Rest In Peace my friend

Early this morning my best friend Kim Plogger passed away. It had been 5 years, 4 months & 19 days since we did the kidney transplant. Kim had suffered a great deal her last months. More than most people will know in a life time. But her suffering is over now.

Rest in Peace my friend.

My heart is breaking

This could turn into a rather long post, so hang on, and hope you're sitting in a comfortable chair.

The phone rang today. My heart sank when I saw on the caller ID who it was. I was afraid to answer. It was the husband of one of my best friends. Sam was calling me with news that we needed to prepare ourselves for what was about to happen. Now I know that no matter what you do, no matter how you know that the person that you care about will not suffer any more, there is really nothing that you can do to prepare yourself for a death. I've cried till my eyes hurt and still cry some more.

I've lost several family members during my almost 55 years. Two grandmothers and one grandfather, several aunts, uncles and cousins and several people that I have known for a long time. But none as close as a friend as Kim.

I don't mean to talk about her as if she has already gone. She is still alive. Or at least some faint form of life. I guess I need to go back and start at the beginning for you to understand why my heart is breaking.

In December 1997 my husband was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. He was sent to see a doctor at UVA hospital in Charlottesville, VA. We both had spent many a night already due to other family members illness but this time decided to stay somewhere other than in a motel in Charlottesville. We had picked up a copy of a hotel/motel coupon book. Stopped at a Days Inn that was in Waynesboro and asked that even though they didn't have an add in there would they honor the same rates for a Days Inn that was in Staunton. They said...... Sure!

And as they say the rest is history. There were two lovely ladies that was working there, one as general manager and the other as assistant manager. Dawn and Kim. Not to mention some super people that worked the desk that proved that they were caring wonderful people. But anyhow, Kim and I just hit it off.

Have you ever met someone that you felt as if you had known them all your life? That is how it was with Kim. What was even more strange was when we realized several months later that we had actually met her father over a year before we met her! Then there were just those little things that really seemed to really draw even more attention to the fact that we were meant to be friends. Both of our mothers name is "Betty". Her husband and I share the same birthday, May 25. We were the same blood type, A+ and finally we would share a kidney named "Sydney".

Kim had been a diabetic since she was a teenager. Over the years the disease had taken it's toll on her. Kim had lost a toe and finally lost her kidneys. In March of 2003 Kim called me one morning to say that she was on her way to the dialysis center. A few weeks later she was put on the transplant list. I know that several of her family members were ruled out right off the bat due to health issues. Some were tested but their kidneys didn't work well enough. Then came the day that we were at her house and it was the same day that even her husband found out that his function wasn't good enough either. That's where my part of this story came in.

I had lost some weight at that point but needed to loose another 15 pounds. To my surprise I did it in a MONTH! Then I was able to start the initial testing here at a hospital near my home. Things went rather well. I passed all the test that were done here then they made me come up to UVA for more testing.

In October my phone rang with the news that a date for our surgery had been set. December 18, 2003. One week to the day before Christmas!

Checked into the hospital that morning, Kim and I both were not scared, nervous or anything. Can't say the same for our families! At one point I told them to hush their crying, I'd be right back!

I never will forget all the long talks we would have. We would talk a lot online at first. Then came the long phone calls. And would we ever talk about anything and everything! One of our favorite topics was about how things floated in Hot Tubs! I'll not say another word about that here! We would laugh till we about wet our panties then laugh some more. I'm really going to miss her laugh.

On January 15, 2009 Kim checked into UVA hospital for surgery to move her pancreas from where it was first put to another location that hopefully wouldn't cause so much trouble. I wish now that they had left things alone. I don't know exactly what caused all the infection, I'm no doctor or expert. But I can't help but feeling that if they had left things alone that maybe she wouldn't be on her death bed now.

I've got an Angel that Kim had given me just before our transplant. It has a built in recorder that Kim had recorded a message on it for me. To my surprise after over 5 years it still plays! I'm going to set it up, record it on video just in case it quits and I never get to hear her again.

I know I'm not the first person that will have lost a friend. Kim is one among many friends I've lost over the years. But none will hurt me as much as loosing Kim. I've got a couple friends that I've had longer that mean just as much to me, Scottie and Lisa. But to watch a good person die little by little is so hard.

Kim, we gave it our best girlfriend. We tried. I tried. Rest in peace when it's your time to go on. Always know that you will never be forgotten and that you were loved.

A little past 3 weeks now.

Well, it's been a little over 3 weeks since I had my surgery. Yesterday and today have been ugly, gray, cold days, so not getting to ride hasn't bothered me. BUT this past weekend........... OMG it was beautiful. Warm.......... PERFECT for riding. But did I get to go? NO. Doctors orders "NO RIDING FOR AT LEAST A MONTH IF NOT MORE IF YOU ARE STILL SORE AT PORT SITE."

That stinks!

Maybe soon I'll be back out on the trails.


OH and one other tiny tidbit of information. My Emachine died! Well, not exactly died, bit darn near it. Had to take it to Dr. Dellis. It had to be reformatted. AND I reckon that all my photos, videos and everything else is GONE! Just shoot me now, PLEASE!

One week before my surgery!

I'm so excited. I guess the word is out for sure now. I'm having weight loss surgery done on March 13. I'm ashamed of myself and how I look. I have no energy to speak of and things are going down hill FAST due to the weight. I've tried before to get shed of it, but you know it came back and found friends to come stay too!

But this is going to be a complete life change for me. No more Diet Pepsi. Sorry Pepsi company! I know I've been a major buyer for a lot of years now and I'm sure going to miss my favorite drink! At most I'll only be eating about 1 cup of food. THAT'S IT TOTAL! If you don't think that is a tiny amount just measure out oh say one cup of mashed potatoes and put on your plate. It sure looks like a tiny amount!

Steak will not be on the menu for at least a couple months. IF I can chew it up small enough, what would make only one meal before, will now last for at least 2-3 meals if not more!!!

One good thing, it will be a long time before I have to buy any new clothes. I've still got at last count about 5-6 sizes smaller than what I am now IN MY CLOSET! AND a lot of them still have the tags on them!!! I don't mind a bit that they are a couple of years old. That does not matter to me one bit. As long as I can finally get in them will tickle me to death.

Well, I'll do my best to try to check in once more before we leave next week to go to the hospital. But if I don't, please keep me in your prayers that I have a good experience with no complications during surgery, a fast time healing from all pain and loose a LOT of FAT!

I can't wait! ONE WEEK AND COUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No riding but wonderful news!

I know that this blog started out being solely for all of my adventures on riding my Arctic Cat. Well there is going to be another chapter added to those adventures. And in the long run it will add to my riding.

What is it? OK, I'll tell. I'm having Bariatric Surgery done on Friday March 13, 2009. I'm having the "Lap Band" done. What it is, is a band that goes around the top portion of my stomach to basically form a new much smaller stomach. Don't ask me how it works, I've even asked Dr. Weiss that question. You would think that with that larger portion of the stomach still there that it would feel hunger. But it doesn't! Go figure.

I'm very excited about finally having something done that will help me at last with my weight. The band doesn't do it all on it's own, it's just a tool to help the person reach their goal. It will be with me till I die or decide that I no longer need to have it in place. But honestly, I don't see it ever coming out.

I know that I've shown photos of places and other people here on my blog, but have tried to never show one of myself. There is a reason for that. I'm not comfortable showing the world the "real" me. In my mind I'm not this big, in my mind I can sit where I want and not worry. In my mind I can do things that any "normal" sized person can do. But the hard truth is that the real me can't do a lot of things.

Worst of all is the way that people that don't know me judge me just because of my size. I know that a lot of people don't, and those people are wonderful caring people that mean a lot to me. But it is those people that don't know me and snicker, stare or flat out say things out loud for me to hear that hurt the most.

I'll admit that the childish side of me can't wait till I get to goal. There are a couple people that I will HUNT out so that they can see the "REAL" me. OH I more than likely won't really say or do anything, but in my mind I'll be thinking "Now say again how you want me to get my FAT A$$ out and stay out because I have no business there!" OR What I'll really be thinking is.... "See I can loose the weight but you are unable to grow a working brain that actually makes you an intelligent human."

I started to post a photo of myself, but I don't have the nerve to do it right yet. Maybe this summer after there has been enough weight loss that you can actually tell the difference I might show a "Before and during" photo. We will see.

But for now all I want to say is keep on riding those trails. I'll be back out there soon. I miss it way to much!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAIN, SNOW and COLD

Due to the nasty weather and other factors I've not been riding ANY for weeks. This really stinks. I hate winter! HATE IT!

TWO WEEKS!

YEP..... YOU HEARD ME!! Two weeks without a cigarette! I'm so darn proud of myself.